Tuesday, April 20, 2010

At a loss for words...

Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe, isn't it? Just last night, I was at dinner with a friend and afterward had fellowship with several other sisters in Christ and I talked my head off. That is the normal 'me'. Later last night, during the night and still this morning I don't even have words to express the state my heart is in. Have you ever witnessed or experienced pain to the point of it being not only visible, but audible? I'm not talking about temporary pain or pain that can be subdued by medicine. This type of pain is untouched with the strongest medicine and leaves one desperate for help. There is nothing anyone else can do to help. I've birthed three big babies and I know pain. (Yes, I do.) But I don't know uncontrollable pain. My daughter just this morning had 4 teeth pulled and she's experiencing pain right now, but popsicles help that pain. My dad had a liver embolization done yesterday and although it was a very necessary thing for him, recovery has been extremely painful and discouraging for him. I talked to my mom around 9 last night and to say that my dad was in agony is a gross understatement. It is never easy to witness a loved one experience pain and suffering to a much higher degree than I can even imagine, but to know my dad (who I love immensely and who is a pillar of strength in our family) is desperate for help is a terrible thing to experience. My mom is helpless. Medicine wasn't working. People who are qualified to help, couldn't help. Only the Great Physician has the power to help and yet through His sovereignty, He allowed (is allowing) my dad to suffer. I don't question His love for my dad or His will. I know from personal experience and from the surety of God's Word that His love is greater than any love I could ever have for anyone here on Earth. I also know that my parents are not questioning God's love for them. They know His will for them is perfect and He makes no mistakes. And as I was weighed down with sadness for my parents last night, I prayed. I didn't even know what to pray around 3:30 when I woke up again, but I was reminded that it didn't matter what I said. God already knows my heart and the Holy Spirit (also named The Comforter) goes to God for me when I am at a loss for words and expresses to God what my heart is feeling and God acts...immediately. Whether he comforts, heals, gives peace....He answers in the way that is best for us at that time. It didn't matter that it was 3:30am, God was still up....Psalm 121:3-4 (He does not sleep, nor slumber.) I was worried and He gave me peace of mind. I was sad and He comforted me. I cried out to Him and He heard my cry. I really hate not being with my parents at times like these. The distance is hard. But I know that my God who is with me, is also with them at the very same time, doing the very same thing for them in the way that only He can. That is AWESOME! I am praising the Lord for Who He is today.

I'm also praising Him for His protection. Around 4:30pm yesterday, a man came to the hospital where my parents are and shot three people and then, himself. One woman died and she happened to be the floor manager on the floor that my parents are on. The other two women are going to be okay. My mom was outside walking a few minutes before the shooting happened and we thank God that she is safe. Mom told me this morning that she saw the floor manager just minutes before she was shot. Things weren't going so great with my dad and she noticed (as she was walking down the hall to go outside to walk) the office of the floor manager and thought to herself that she was glad to know where that office was in case she needed to speak to her. The lady was telling someone good-bye. Little did she know that was her last good-bye. Today, everyone working around my parents is very sad. Please pray for them. What a tragedy. Pray that my parents will be able to minister to those who are hurting as they try to help my dad feel better.

If you don't know my Comforter. Let me introduce you. Your life will never be the same.

Thank you for praying for my dad and my mom. And, please pray for my cousin, Krista, (and her family) who is going through Chemo/Radiation for the next several weeks in Florida.


The Barkers said...

Praying for your dad. I hope he is doing much better today. How scary about the shooting! I'm so glad your mom was safe. Wow.

Julie said...

Thanks for writing what we're all thinking.

Lauren Elise Designs said...

Praying for your Dad during this time, Amy. Also remembering your entire family as I can only imagine how difficult it is to see your Dad in sheer agony!
How sad to hear about the tragic shooting as well! Praise the Lord your Mom is safe! I'm so thankful that we serve a very real and mighty God who loves, protects, and always knows what's best for us.


Ben and April said...

Praying for relief from pain for you dad, and strength for your whole family.